"So when did you know?" Part1

Usually one of the first things people say when you tell them you're trans is "so when did you know?" or "how did you know?"

For me it wasn't one of those "oh I've always known" kinda feelings.

This is going to be a two part post, this one will cover childhood up to aged 18, and the following post will cover university and actually figuring out I was trans.

Right, so..
The vast majority of my childhood was spent focusing on gymnastics so I just saw myself as a gymnast rather than a boy or a girl. I use to train with the boys a lot though, and my coach always use to say "it's a shame we can't cut your hair, stick you in a boy's leotard and enter you in their competitions". Gender just wan't really something I thought much about. When not in a leotard or school uniform I mostly wore neutral things like cargo trousers and hoodies. I watched wrestling with my step brothers and we made a ring in the garden out of mattresses and ladders and other things, and it always use to bother me when my Dad would tell them to be careful with me, especially as at the time I was just as strong them, if not stronger, plus gym skills, but that's the not point of this story. I did go through a few random girly phases where I wore skirts, did my hair, made a half-assed attempt at doing make up. This was mainly around the later secondary school years, my friends were quite girly (in comparison to me anyway) so I guess I was mainly trying to blend in and try and be pretty and "normal" like them. I was also dating guys all through school, not that that has much to do with anything as sexuality and gender aren't related but just thought I'd chuck it in there. I remember when I was thirteen my Dad and Step Mum got married and we had to go bridesmaid dress shopping and I was miserable. When I eventually came out to her she said "oh this explains why it was so hard to get you into a dress for the wedding".

But moving forward, as I got older I got more and more masculine with my presentation. I realised during my first year of college (age 16) that I was attracted to girls, so I don't know if that ended up playing any part in it, just through seeing masculine lesbians and liking what they were wearing etc.
I never knew that trans men existed in all honesty, probably due to the area I live in being quite sheltered when it comes to diversity. Cornwall is almost like a different country in that sense, it's probably like around at least 90% White British people, and a low percentage of LGBTQ people.
College was an okay time for me, not great. I was very introverted, especially for someone doing a sports coaching course! The rest of my class were pretty boisterous, when they actually turned up that is. I did well at college mostly because I was one of the only people that ever turned up for all the classes, and I got on really well with my tutor. My tutor was a lesbian, so considering I had just started figuring out my sexuality and that I was attracted to girls I felt it somewhat comforting having her around. I passed my diploma with Distinction, Distinction, Merit, which was what I needed to get into my university of choice to do Sport Science. This was the end of my doing well in academia unfortunately!

I was adamant that I was going to be a gymnastics coach or personal trainer or something along those lines. Which with my lack of confidence and assertiveness I don't know what I was thinking, kidding myself really. But off I went. I was pretty excited, but terrified as I'd barely been out of Cornwall, especially on my own and 7 hours away from home but thankfully I'd joined a few groups on Facebook so had spoken to a few people who were gonna be on my course or in a halls block near me.
For me, uni was where everything changed and I figured out who I really am. If I didn't go, which I really didn't want to for a long time, who knows where I'd be right now.

Would I have even transitioned?  I probably wouldn't have.