I remember being in the waiting room of my doctors surgery holding that box with the vial of Nebido in my hands, I had literally just sat down and was about to take the vial out of box to warm it up in my hands because that's what I'd been advised to do by the other guys in a support group, it makes the injection less painful as it's easier to inject when it's warm 'cause it's pretty thick liquid. But for the first time ever I was called in early, so I rushed straight into the nurse's room, gave her the vial, lay on the table with the top of my butt out and a couple of minutes later it was all done. It was quite surreal , and all a bit of a blur, as I'd built the whole thing up in my head so much over the previous year that I was expecting to feel something, but it was all so quick that when I came out of the surgery it didn't feel like anything has even happened. I just felt very matter of fact about the whole situation, like, oh okay so that's done, now what? I was expecting to feel different, or elated, but I just felt relaxed and normal, walked out like nothing had happened. As the days went on I just felt more calm, and slowly but surely, less anxious. And so began puberty number two.
Within the first month I was noticing changes, my throat was scratchy, skin was oily, more/thicker leg hair, increased libido and appetite. Second month saw a progression from one lonely dark chin hair to three, oh the excitement! haha and my facial hair and body was getting darker/thicker in general. Voice also started to do something that month,
The following months saw more hair, everywhere, voice breaking, the start of fat redistribution, noticeable changes to the shape of my face. At 1 year on testosterone I looked pretty different already, since I hadn't really got much facial hair yet it was just my face shape and my general confidence boost that was noticeable. I also had chest surgery at 7 months on t. After 1 year all there really is to say that 4 years on now, I'm still just getting hairier! Happy with the facial hair, the beginnings of back and shoulder hair is less favorable, but oh well, it all comes with the testosterone puberty package! My voice had mostly settled by 2 years on. Fat redistribution was finally doing its thing with my hips, so I started taking a more masculine shape which was an amazing feeling putting tops on and them not clinging to my love handles area. It became easier to put on muscle when working out as well which helped this a lot.
Aside from the hair, the biggest change that has been noticeable over the last 4 years is my confidence. I am the most comfortable with myself that I've ever been in my life. 5 years ago everything seemed so far away, my mental health wasn't great, I never thought I'd get to where I am now. I'm proud of myself for pushing through, I am eternally grateful for the healthcare system we have in the UK, I am eternally thankful for my family and friends that have stayed with me through all this, and for the support I have discovered within the trans community and the new friends I've made through seeking support. It's amazing how an injection in the butt cheek every 11 weeks can change your life so much. When I was younger and tried to imagine what my future would look like, I always struggled to see something. But now I am happy with who I see in the mirror, I have a great family, an awesome circle of friends around me, an amazing girlfriend, somewhere to live with a good friend, a job I enjoy and hopes for the future. If I could have shown 19 year old me where I would be in 5 years, I never would have believed it, but here we are. It really does get better guys, I know it's hard to hang in there through the waiting times and healing from surgeries, not even bringing in the crappy comments and possible confrontation from closeminded idiots along the way. But it's worth it all the end, honestly. You'll get there :)
Here is how my face has changed over the last 5 years!
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