I was working as a gymnastic coach at
the time all this was going on, because I needed a job when I dropped
out of uni, and thankfully my old team mate who now owned the gym
said I could work there with her. I was so nervous about telling her
because this was going to be the real start of making my transition
known to people, and it was going to be a lot of people.
I worked
with hundreds of gymnasts from aged 4 up to teenagers, plus we were
going to need to tell all their parents as well. Also adding extra
nerves to the whole situation was the fact that I trained at this gym
from 18 months old to 17 years, so anyone who'd been around in the
last 15 years or so had a fair idea who I was, plus I competed for 10
years and was pretty well known to all the other clubs in Cornwall as
well with it being such a small county. So yeah, I was about to go
from just a few close friends and family knowing to suddenly hundreds
of people of all ages. Pretty terrifying, but I had to get it over
with.
I had absolutely no idea how my
boss/friend was going to react, I'd known her since I was about 5 and
she was 7, we spent most of our childhood training and competing
together, and now I was about to say something that was also going to
somewhat affect her business. I asked if I could have a word with her
some time pretty soon without the other coaches around so we arranged
that. I again can't really remember how I said things exactly, I
explained that the reason I left uni was because I was going to
transition, and that I was now using male pronouns and going by the
name Adam.
I remember her not being very surprised, and just quite
matter of fact about it. She was just like, right okay then, yeah
cool. She was happy for me. She asked how I wanted to tell the other
coaches and gymnasts etc. I said I wasn't sure. We had a chat about
it, and decided that we'd have a little meeting with the other
coaches, and she'd say it for me. So I think about a week later
that's what we did, and it went really well, everyone was very
supportive. For gymnasts and parents, we decided to compose a letter,
and give it to them after classes. I will insert the letter below,
but in brief it just stated who I was, and what was going to be
changing. We also said that I'd be happy to answer any questions, and
that the parents are free to tell their kids as much or as little
about it as they wish.
We discussed how people would be about
calling me by my new name, and decided that a good idea would be to
use AJ instead of Adam, as it 's gender neutral so would be less of
an impact maybe. Especially since I was obviously pre any medical
treatment at that time so still looked fairly female, and definitely
sounded it. Thankfully my boss being the confident loud type, was
great for telling people for me when I was too nervous. Like when we
told all the squad gymnasts that I knew really well as a lot of them
had started back when I was still training, she just said at the
beginning of a session one evening with them all sitting on the crash
mats by the trampoline and said right, from now on, * birth name *
will be called AJ, and we'll be calling him “he”. An that was
about it really, most of them were just like okay whatever, a couple
of the older ones were a bit inquisitive, but no one really asked
anything. With the letters to the parents, I had no bad reactions at
all, which I was really surprised about. I even had a few dads say
nice things like “well done, good for you”.
It was a strange experience. It went so
much better than I expected it to. People don't give kids enough
credit when it comes to telling them things about gender and
sexuality. It's still a massively taboo subject, and people say oh no
we can't tell the children! They won't understand, it'll upset them,
it'll confuse them. But kids are the most open minded, they're better
to tell than adults, and they're so accepting. Especially if they're
younger and haven't seen or been told anything that would make them
think this isn't a normal thing in life.
For example, another coach's
child was also a gymnast that I taught, and I knew her pretty well,
she was 4 years old at the time, and the coach basically just said, *
birth name * is a boy now, he always felt he was a boy even though he
wasn't born as one, but he's turning into a boy now and we call him
AJ. And this 4 year old was just like yeah okay. And called me AJ
straight away. Kids are so opened minded, I don't see why people have
such an issue with telling them things like this. For example I
wasn't allowed to see my cousins for about 5 years because my Aunt
and Uncle didn't want to tell them. But I'll cover that in another
post.
I think this would be a good place to
quickly mention why I chose “John” as my middle name. Basically
most of the people I knew on trans groups etc said they chose their
middle name in honour of their Dad or Granddad, or another male role
model. I didn't want to use my Dad or Granddads names, I mean I love
them both, but just didn't feel their names fitted me. So my closest
male role model growing up was my old gymnastics coach, John. I had
known him (and his wife Pat, our other coach) since I was 18 months
old, I probably spent more time with them than I did with my family
throughout my childhood. I use to train 5 sometimes 6 days a week, I
pretty much lived there, so I spent a lot of time with them. He's an
amazing man, and was always so caring, he had such a big impact on my
life. So with this, along with the fact that it would also work well
as a nickname (AJ) I chose John.
Here is the contents of the letter we sent out to the parents:
"Dear Parent/Guardian,
I am writing to you and all other parents/guardians of gymnasts currently coached by *birth name*.
*Name* has been an assistant coach with the Academy since the beginning of this year, and I have known *Name* as a fellow gymnast for some fifteen years when we were both members of *previous gym club name*.
In recent days *Name* has told me that she will be undergoing medical transition for gender reassignment. Clearly this is a very personal decision that has taken a lot of consideration on her part.
Therefore as from now *Name* has assumed the male gender and the name Adam, to be shortened to AJ.
AJ has been very open with explaining his decision, and following a staff meeting last friday all of the coaches have expressed their support for AJ in helping him through this process.
I am ofcourse conscious as is AJ as to how his decision may be perceived, and how gymnasts may respond. However in reality the only difference of which gymnasts will be aware us the change of name.
If however a gymnast questions the change of name, the Academy will simply state that there has been this change of name without comment upon the issue of gender. Parents/guardians will however be advised if questions are asked so that they can respond to these with their child as they deem appropriate.
The Academy's intent is to maintain a safe and comfortable child friends environment, in which your child can participate in gymnastics, and there is no reason why the above should affect this.
If you have any concerns, please contact me and I will arrange to meet with you. Although AJ himself is willing to discuss issues openly with parents/guardians, I would prefer in respect of his privacy that concerns are addressed through me in the first instance.
Yours sincerely,
*coach/boss' name*"
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| As always, here's me today. I wrote this on my way up to my volunteer day at the Gender Clinic. 09/12/16 |
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